Friday, June 3, 2011


You know what's on everybodys mind, including mine? Change. Why does change hurt so bad? Josh and I took Aiden to a park in pg yesterday that I hate. All it does is remind me of a boy and a horriable time in my life. So why do I long for it? No responsibities, just hanging out in that park, hating the world. I've grown up and the boy has too. We've lived the same life, the difference is I took care of my responsibities. It's sad he isn't taking care of his family, or going into culinary school or being an artist. He's a bum. But when you give part of your soul to a bum you'll always love them.

I wouldn't trade Joshua or Aiden for the world, I haven't fully experienced love until I met them. But the change hurts, I'm not a teenager anymore, I can't just let my relationship ride where ever it wants to, a marriage is a lot of work. The funny part about this longing for that life is a waste of time. For one Josh is a million times better than that boy. For two I need to enjoy what I have right now. I'm going to be 40 looking back and missing where I am right now. Wishing I would have enjoyed it more. So welcome to the new me! I have no regrates and I live for the present and the future. My past is in the past and I won't be concentrating on it anymore. Change doesn't have to hurt, you can enjoy it as well.

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