Wednesday, May 25, 2011


I've been going through this depression for a while now. I've been questioning my ability to be a mother, and questioning if Aiden really loves me. Lately all Aiden does is scream, throw things, and have tantrums! I've been going nuts lately with that kid. I've tried distracting, being nice, putting him in time out, I've almost tried everything.

I asked my mother in law yesterday if she would watch Aiden an extra day because me and Josh have to open togeather. You know what she told me? He's been getting super cranky lately when he comes over, he's starting to realize your gone. I almost started crying right there, if she can see how much Aiden loves me why can't I? I mean I love him so much, every Saturday about kills me. A little blonde baby came in the store and I just stopped. I stared at that baby until it hurt, my arms ached, my heart pounded, my eyes were flooded with tears. I hate working, I hate working so much I've slipped into this secret hell. No one knows what kind of pain I feel when I'm away from my baby. I feel like the worst mommy. The best part, I want another baby, but how could I bring another baby in this world and do what I do to Aiden. I love Aiden more than I've ever loved anyone, but this one question has been lurking in my mind lately, was I wrong keeping Aiden? Should I have given him to a family where the mom is always home to play, always in the kitchen making something yummy? Did I do the wrong thing?

Josh has court today, hopefully it will go well. Poor Josh has been so stressed out :( I know once this is all over he'll feel better


  1. Aw sweetie. You are a great mom! You and Josh are doing a great job in my opinion. Your still young and every mom goes through this. Aiden loves you so much! He is just in those terrible twos. I'm proud of you! But sweetie a moms place is not always the kitchen or the home. Your gender doesn't matter. I understand you want to be home so you can be wirh aiden, but even if you both worked, both didn't work, josh stayed home and you worked or josh worked and you stayed home. You both love aiden and are good parents. You did the right thing keeping him and you will be a gear mom to another child when you guys are ready. Good luck with court. Love you!

  2. You are a really good Mom Karen! Unfortunately a lot of parents out there have to work and don't get to stay at home with their kids, but that does not mean that you don't love him or that you aren't doing everything you can to give him the things he needs. I have heard every Mom that I have ever met go through feeling these feelings once in a while, it's hard, but it's normal. Being a Mom is hard! But just remember that even though you may not feel like it sometimes, your little boy does love you and appreciate the things you do for him.

  3. You are an awesome mom! That is why Aiden loves and misses you. :)

    And I think you are wonderful. Love you! :)

  4. Thanks everyone so much. You've made me feel a lot better :)

  5. Karen,
    The last part of this post made me literally almost gasp. You grew up earlier than most, but you know what... that's okay! You will do and CAN do it. Being a mom and wife and having a job is HARD. Put all three together and it's enough to drive even the strongest person a little nuts at times. Just remember who you are and who loves you. You'll make it girl.