I've been going through this depression for a while now. I've been questioning my ability to be a mother, and questioning if Aiden really loves me. Lately all Aiden does is scream, throw things, and have tantrums! I've been going nuts lately with that kid. I've tried distracting, being nice, putting him in time out, I've almost tried everything.
I asked my mother in law yesterday if she would watch Aiden an extra day because me and Josh have to open togeather. You know what she told me? He's been getting super cranky lately when he comes over, he's starting to realize your gone. I almost started crying right there, if she can see how much Aiden loves me why can't I? I mean I love him so much, every Saturday about kills me. A little blonde baby came in the store and I just stopped. I stared at that baby until it hurt, my arms ached, my heart pounded, my eyes were flooded with tears. I hate working, I hate working so much I've slipped into this secret hell. No one knows what kind of pain I feel when I'm away from my baby. I feel like the worst mommy. The best part, I want another baby, but how could I bring another baby in this world and do what I do to Aiden. I love Aiden more than I've ever loved anyone, but this one question has been lurking in my mind lately, was I wrong keeping Aiden? Should I have given him to a family where the mom is always home to play, always in the kitchen making something yummy? Did I do the wrong thing?
Josh has court today, hopefully it will go well. Poor Josh has been so stressed out :( I know once this is all over he'll feel better