Catching up :)

It's been a minute since I've been able to write in my blog. Life has been stressful. Here's the update,

•Josh was dismissed from court! Yay!
• My father in law Paul is in jail for writing a bad check. If he's charged he's looking at years in prison.
• I went and took the GED. I got really good scores in everything but Math. In Math a 410 is passing and I got a 390. Super close :( oh well I already beat myself up for it pretty good. On the plus side I did amazing on the other tests!
• Aiden has been sick for a couple days now and guess who woke up feeling like crap? Looks like we'll be having a take it easy, tomatoe soup, orange juice, Disney movie kinda day. I'm feeling some jungle book :)

Feeling better already :)

On Saturday I decided to quit smoking! I've had maybe a couple cigarettes since then. Today is the cold turkey day, not one puff all day. So far so good, but cravings are a terrible beast! You know what's funny, I quit smoking when I found out I was pregnant with Aiden. A couple of months after he was born I started up again. I felt so out of place not smoking, I was the odd duck around my husband, my best friend and my co workers. I just wanted to be socially accepted. Plus if any of you have had a brand new baby you'll know how crazy you start to feel. Josh worked a lot, he wasn't much help at home (which I understand). So being outside and just taking a break felt pretty darn good. Shortly after just taking a break turned into a nasty habbit. I can't even run around the house without coughing up a lung. I used to run track in Jr. High, you'd never know that now.

I will not let tabacco shorten my life with my family! I will not let tabacco control my health! I will not feel socially awkward around anyone that smokes! No more!

On the plus side, I'm already starting to feel better :)

P.S. I love you

I watched the saddest movie today and yes in was p.s. I love you. If you haven't seen it I suggest you rent it, best chick flick ever! It got me thinking about what I'd do if Josh died. I don't think I'd ever take off his clothes, to tell you the truth I don't think I could get out of bed. I don't know how I'd take care of Aiden. Thank goodness I don't have to worry about it. I'm very grateful I found Josh and I'll continue to be grateful the rest of my life.

Umm on a side note some updates on my life

Getting my GED June 27th and the 28th! Keep your fingers crossed!

Josh has a court date I beleive on the 21st! Hopefully this is the court date that ends it all!

Aiden went down a slide yesterday all by himself! He giggled the whole way down! :) that kid amazes me constantly!

I'm going on Wednesday to see my friend kori and some other peeps :) super excited about that!

I think that's about it, I'm going to pass out
<3

Change

You know what's on everybodys mind, including mine? Change. Why does change hurt so bad? Josh and I took Aiden to a park in pg yesterday that I hate. All it does is remind me of a boy and a horriable time in my life. So why do I long for it? No responsibities, just hanging out in that park, hating the world. I've grown up and the boy has too. We've lived the same life, the difference is I took care of my responsibities. It's sad he isn't taking care of his family, or going into culinary school or being an artist. He's a bum. But when you give part of your soul to a bum you'll always love them.

I wouldn't trade Joshua or Aiden for the world, I haven't fully experienced love until I met them. But the change hurts, I'm not a teenager anymore, I can't just let my relationship ride where ever it wants to, a marriage is a lot of work. The funny part about this longing for that life is a waste of time. For one Josh is a million times better than that boy. For two I need to enjoy what I have right now. I'm going to be 40 looking back and missing where I am right now. Wishing I would have enjoyed it more. So welcome to the new me! I have no regrates and I live for the present and the future. My past is in the past and I won't be concentrating on it anymore. Change doesn't have to hurt, you can enjoy it as well.