I've kinda fallen off the planet for a minute there. I haven't been handling life very well. I cry to much, I get mad easily, I stress about absolutely everything. F my life. The bills are getting bigger and bigger. My supposed "best friend" is a lying slut. Were planning on having another baby and that scares the shit out of me. I feel like I'm a big fat burden on everyone I love. I never meant to work so much. My bother in law told me the other day " you see Aiden 3 days out of the week while we have him for four." break my heart. I hate that I have to leave him that long. A little blonde haired boy came up to me in the lobby last week. I offered him a cookie and he ran to his mom and told her I was pretty. I cried, I went into the bathroom and balled. I may not get a lot of time with him but god damn it I love him. I told Josh when we have another baby I will not work anymore. Josh will have to find a better job because I won't do it again.
God I'm falling apart. I'm supposed to have it togeather, I'm supposed to be super mom.
I cried at work when i left Zoey home with Jordan... The only time i've really been away from her is when she goes with Rustie (Jordan's mom) and the longest she had her was 3 days.
ReplyDeleteI work on the mother baby floor, the maternity floor, and the pediatric floor too. All i'm doing is cleaning so i don't interact with them much but it still breaks my heart seeing all these new babies, and I'm not at home with mine. But Zoey is always excited as soon as i get home and she squeals and goes "OOO!" when i pick her up, or come home to her. So i know its worth it.
Someday you guys will be in a place where you can work less. Aiden will always love you and hes not going to remember much of his first five years so don't stress much. And even when he does remember I'm sure he will be very proud of you for doing everything you can for him. I know everyone else is proud of how well you are doing with being a young mom, Including me.
I'm glad I'm not the only one. Sometimes I feel like i'm being overly sensitive. I mean I work so I can provide him with a better life. Thanks ariel your support means a lot. I'm glad I'm not going through this alone. I love your face
ReplyDeleteYou know what you could possibly do? If you don't want to work outside the home perhaps you could get a job doing work at your house. Like maybe you could pick up sewing and create things to sell online, or get a part time job with a company entering information or something like that. Then you could still be earning a little extra income and be with Aiden.
ReplyDeleteYou aren't a burden and if your "friends" think you are then they aren't much of a friend are they? You are only doing what you can for your family and I think that is very admirable. As soon as everything gets worked out and you guys are in a more comfortable place in life it will get better. Obviously you guys are working hard to get there because if you weren't you probably wouldn't be as stressed.
The part about being super mom? Yeah, you are super mom, I know Aiden thinks so, Josh thinks so, and I sure as hell think so. Just because you're facing a bit of a struggle right now doesn't make you any less super. The fact you're sticking it out and attempting to fix it instead of rolling over and giving up makes you all the more amazing.
Don't you give up yet. I know you guys will get through this- because nothing's stopped you before and I know this won't stop you now.