September 29

Josh and I started dating September 29, 2008. Three beautiful years with a wonderful man. Falling in love with Josh was so exciting and so fast. We were engaged in Feb the following year. Everything felt right. I've talked about marriage with ex boyfriends but it didn't feel right until I met Josh. He's my soulmate and my best friend. Josh knows me inside and out. I don't have a single secret from him.
I left him a note in the car this morning telling him how grateful I was for him. He didn't have to marry me, he didn't have to be the great father he is but he did. He loved me enough he gave up being a teenager, living with his parents and pretty much all his friends to be my husband. I've never felt such a powerful love.

I love you Joshua Paul Howe forever and always

FML

That's all I keep repeating in my head. That doctors words keep stabbing my mind.
" well everything looks good with your pap smear, except your hpv postive. You'll need a pap smear every six months to check for cervical cancer." the only thing I could say was oh my god. I can't believe it. First kidney stones now this. This might be all my fault. I've faithful to Josh since the day I met him. But what about before that?
I'm so done. I'm so tired.
And what if I'm pregnant? What does that mean for my baby?

Day 1

Ok I'm starting to freak out. I really want to have another baby. It feels right, then why the hell am I freaking out? Why am I so excited? Josh stil needs to get his GED, go through the police academy, and get a better job. I want to be the stay at home mom. I want to be the mother and wife.

I believe were going to get pregnant soon, so there's habbits I need to quit. No soda, no coffee :(:(:( and no smoking. I need to start eating better as well.

I can't believe it's time. A little baby to rock and sing to. Also Aiden to play with and feed. What a crazy world I'm entering

:)

My dad just e mailed me and told me he'll send me a check so Josh can get his GED!!!! Once he gets that we can enroll him into the police academy!! I'm so happy! Things are looking up for us! No more stinkin little ceasars! No more being away from my baby for days at a time!!!
Great!!!!

Ah!!!!!

Why do men only think with their penis? I go Josh we shouldn't have sex we have no birth control!
Eh, I'll pull out
Josh you didn't pull out!!!
Oh well
Oh well? Do you want to have another baby? What if you just got me pregnant?
Then I just got you pregnant, it must be right if it happened so fast.
Ah!!!!!!! I'm ovulating!!! Ladies and gentlemen I'm guessing I'm going to be pregnant sooner than we planned.
HOLY CRAP!

Doctor

Miscarried, the doctor told me today that my copper t must have gotten knocked out when I got my surgery. I had a super heavy crampy period. I miscarried. I feel weird. My little baby left me. I knew I was pregnant. I don't really want to blog as much as I wanted to. Maybe I'll go call my mother in law. She always make me feel better....

Hopefully

No period yet, but I did make an appointment with the midwives for Tuesday. Hopefully nothing serious happened, like an infected copper t. I'm thinking I missed my period because of stress. A bill for 2,300 here a bill for 90 there. I might as well just light my money on fire! On top of that I need to make more appointments for Josh and myself. Josh offically has a hole in his tooth, it's time to force him to the dentist. I guess the worst part about all this is Christmas won't be as big as I planned :( I wanted Aiden to be blown away with how great his birhday and Christmas were going to be.

I really hope Josh was being serious about getting his GED and getting a better job. He's very excited to get a job at the prison. I'm glad Alissa suggested it :) it's all he talks about. When I work at the prison, oh just you wait Karen until I work at the prison!

Well, here's to a new day! Hopefully yours is filled with joy and lots of sunshine :)

Ambers wedding, Camping and finally being home

Let me start out by saying how gorgeous Amber and Tino both looked at the wedding! There were some tiny bumps along the way (mostly our faults) other than that the wedding went smoothly. We had breakfeast Saturday morning with my in laws, Tino's parents, his brothers and this chick who won't have a name other than whore. She thinks she can tell my husband how hot he is and when he's ready to leave his wife she'll be ready! I thought she was my friend! But I'm not bitter ;) The breakfeast was great! We went to Cali's in Orem and it was great! Besides the waitress that spilled my coffee all over the table! Tino's dad Reben was very sweet, he kept giving Aiden quaters for the candy machine. Anyone who's sweet to my baby is definately on my good side.

After breakfeast it was off to the American Fork Ampitheater to set up for the wedding. Melody (my mother in law) made it look great! I hope she gets all the credit for that wedding. She did sooo much! I asked Amber once everything was set up what we could do to help, she said we could pick up the cake and the flowers. What my sweet sister in law failed to mention was that we were picking up two huge cakes not one. One of the cakes sat on my lap and I held the flowers with my feet. We got home and had no room in the fridge for the bouquet so we called Amber and she said to put it in the freezer. The flowers ended up wilting before we got back to AF and somehow the side of the cake got smudged. :(

Everything worked out for the best! Aiden did a great job throwing flower petals. He looked so much older in his tux and bow tie. My little man is growing up! Poor guy ran down a hill to see daddy at the reception and scraped up his face. He was sooo cranky. Hopefully the pictures turned out at least half decent. We couldn't get him to smile to save our lives!

On Sunday we decided to destress and go camping. It was nice to be with family for so long. Most of the camping trip I held Aiden in front of the fire. God I love that kid.

It's nice to be home now, no more work for a minute just time to play with my boys <3